Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Week In My Life: Dreams And Realizations (Day 3)

August 10th, 2010 – Tuesday

Last night was so odd. I got to bed (after stretches, journaling, etc…) at around 10:30. So far, so good. But I just couldn’t shut my brain off. Now, some of you know how many things I think about at one time – complete, organized chaos. It’s sometimes awesome. People seem surprised that I can “shut it off” at all to sleep, and normally, it’s not a problem. But Monday night, I was unsettled. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly.
My thoughts kept circling around how I could get students to tutor this next semester or two. I processed different phrasing for fliers, possible references, and if I could expand beyond just SAT Essay Prep. My answers were all “yes”, but I still couldn’t get my brain to stop, or my body to quit responding to my uneasy feeling. It wasn’t about the tutoring itself – no, it was something else. I kept tossing and turning, breaking out in one of my night sweats that make my doctor’s brow wrinkle in concern. Finally, after 12:00, I fell into an exhausted sleep. That’s when the dreams started. I can’t remember them, exactly, either. I only imagine somehow disrespecting (sadly) a hypocritical, racist, unusual preacher—I think that might have something to do with the end of chapter 3 in Wuthering Heights (with the hypocritical preacher dream that freaks out Mr. Lockwood) and the ornery old man-servant Joseph, a “reader of the good-book.” Terrible Christians, those.

Then, after waking up a few times, I jolted awake, thought I was still in this crowd feeling alone, being shouted at by the “preacher” and knowing that I had to respond somehow. I looked at my clock and saw 10:00 am on it. I freaked, gathered my clothes quickly and took a cold shower. When I got back to my room the clock shifted to 9:06 am. I stood confounded for a few seconds. I had gained an hour….and taken a super-fast shower. Gosh. But somehow, as I slipped on my clothes, I felt rested. I couldn’t explain any of it.

I shook it off, found my grandma on the phone in the office, and then grabbed some frozen strawberries for my whey protein smoothie. The rice milk made it taste different. I also think my grandma’s well water might have had something to do with that. I sat and drank my smoothie, frequently clicking my tongue against my teeth at the taste. Then I picked up my bible, read a while, and did my review of James 5.

From there, the day progressed well. Grandma and I left to stop at my Great Aunt June’s old place (she’s moved to assisted living now) to create a list of things to donate to Trinity Mission, a non-profit store in downtown Crawfordsville that supports rehab facilities in the area. While there, we crossed the street and visited Aunt June’s old neighbors, Virginia and Lowell. They talked about my Aunt’s hallucinations, claims of a man in her apartment and her miraculous flight to Virginia’s front door. Now, my Aunt June is mostly blind except for her peripheral vision, as well as unsteady on her feet. How she made it over to two curbs, over the street, and up the driveway is beyond everyone. The only explanation was that she was terrified of the man in her place. She heard the boom of her door, the creak of her floors, and an odd shadow out of the corner of her eye. If I had been her, I might well have been scared too!

In reality, there was no man. There was only a storm outside with fierce wind, loud thunder, and flashes of lightening. That, and a problematic medication that had a possible side effect of hallucinations. I’d say the possible became the probable cause.
We are all lucky she didn’t fall, only to be left on the ground for hours. We all agree God was with her that night.

From Lowell and Virginia’s place, Grandma and I went to the post office, Trinity Mission, and the Library—I had to use one of the computers in the library to help my grandma refill her Netflix cue :P haha
Lunch was grilled chicken sandwiches with fresh tomato and sides of watermelon and cantaloupe. I have to say that I’m loving my selection of food here. Nom nom nom. =D
The afternoon was made up of another 500 pt game of Gin, at the end of which Grandma beat me by about 30 pts. Grrrrr *chuckle* A game of scrabble was also played. Guess who won? Uh-huh. You guessed it. SHE won. Mhm. I got beaten by the Old Lady.

Beware the Old Lady.
She’s fierce *grin*
And very sweet.
It was lots of fun!! =D

I read just past pg 100 in Wuthering Heights, then, for dinner, made Cracker Barrel pancakes for my Grandma while she made the bacon.

Then came cleanup, a bit more reading, and the movie “Into The Wild”. I had read the book, and was looking forward to the movie. It was good! Rated ‘R’ for language and nudity (nudist colony and Europeans anyone?). But it’s really only the “top halves” *cringe*. Anyway. The journey this young man goes on across the United States, learning to cast off money and the lures of a corrupt society, leads him to the final conclusion that true happiness is shared, and that when you forgive, God’s light shines upon you. It’s a true story, and one that, if you don’t watch the movie, you should at least read. I don’t agree with it all. But it still made a good impression on me, and has gotten me to thinking. And for those of you who watch movies for the actors, Emile Hirsh was quite handsome and honorable (he openly refuses a relationship outside of marriage!), and Kristen Stewart, start of the Twilight movies as Bella, sings and falls for Emile. =D
William Hurt, Katherine Keener and Vince Vaughn also co-star, among many others. If you’re in your late teens or older, I would encourage you to see this movie!

So, now, I just finished a ripe each, am listening to some Joni Mitchell (AMAZING singer, btw), and writing down this day’s happenings. I’m praying for you all, my readers! I’m also praying you stick with me! :P I have a few more posts to go!

Be Well!
-Rae

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Verse For Today: I asked the H.S. what I should read, and He said “James 4:12”. I was surprised a bit, as I had just read James chapter 5 for my study time, but I read it anyway.
“There is only One Lawgiver and Judge, the only one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbor?”
Yes. Who am I?
Do you ever judge your friends? Your family? I know that for me, judging my family is my biggest downfall in this area.
I am praying for a more forgiving and understanding heart, I’m making slow progress, but at least it’s moving forward, not backwards. There is hope for me yet!
What are you praying about?
Who do you need to stop judging and just forgive, and understand?

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James Study: “Saturday and Sunday Review”– James 5:1-20
In James 5:1-6, Wealthy unbelievers are to be some of the hardest hit, as all they put their hope and “physical salvation” in—their money, houses, cars, and luxurious lifestyles—will corrode, burn, and be destroyed completely, while their souls dies to both the Hope of God and the hope that they put in their worldly goods.
James 5:7-8 talks about living every day as if in the light of the lord’s return—making every goodbye count, every laugh fully enjoyed, every opportunity to share the gospel and reach the people of this world for Christ seized.
James 5:9-12 talks about God’s compassion and mercy
James 5:3-18 talks about learning to pray
and James 5:19-20 about helping my friends who profess salvation but have no heart for God.
If you need anything to study, please…check out James 5. It’s an amazing chapter.

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Prayer for today:
Lord,
I humbly ask that you allow me to forgive, and to find true happiness in your that I might share it with all I meet on my journey, like Christopher did in “Into The Wild”.
Let me impact the world for good, and most importantly, for you.
Amen.

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