Saturday, September 4, 2010

Blogger's "Stupid As..." Questions: Post I - Goats and Slinkies

So, many of you might have seen the "question" section one can answer in your blogger profile page.
Well, as I was cycling through the many inane ones, I was astounded to find THIS one:
"You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape."
Shoot me now.
Or shoot it now.
Or something.
Ok. So yes....I answered it XD
And below is my answer.
Wait for it!

*longer pause*

*Even longer pause*

Ok. Here it is. Enough darn waiting.

Here is MY response to this question.....
........How stupid are these things?!?!
Firstly, why would I be in a well?
Secondly, why would I be in a well with a GOAT.
And thirdly, why would I be in a well with a goat AND a slinky? I mean, how useful is the slinky anyway?

Based on the improbability of all this, I feel no reason to stick with "reality"
So here Goes.

Once upon a time a stupid girl fell in a well. She was trapped with a scrawny, evil looking goat and a magic talking slinky. The only thing was that the slinky only spoke Afrikaans, and she couldn't understand a word it said. Heck. She now wished she had grown up in South Africa. Maybe it wouldn't be so darn annoying then. Anyhooo.

Now, goats hate talking slinkies....a very well kept secret, but one that is buried deeply in every goat's subconscious, causing THIS goat to nearly explode.
Ka.Boom. Demon Goat. Baaaad....Naaaaah.
So, as she was holding the slinky trying to figure out what the heck it was trying to tell her (maybe it was explaining how stupid one would have to be to get in this situation in the first place), the goat turns all "super-goat" and rams into the walls, trying to get out. It pokes a hole, plunges them all into an underground river (from whence the well derived it's water), and they came out three years later in South Africa, the slinky's homeland.

The Irony of it all.


Now, what's even FUNNIER are all the answers you can get from the internet for this questions. Here are some of my favorites:
1) From WikiAnswers and B. D. Howard of Valley Center CA

"Kill goat since it is stinking like hell anyway,
but make sure to drink all the water you can first.
Detach head from goat by any means possible (slinky garrote?)
*I cringed here*
Attach slinky to goats head.
Throw goats head up out of well like grappling hook, and test attachment.
Once head holds fast to something outside well, then, using the goat skin to wrap hands well as gloves, ascend the slinky wire to freedom
leaving the stinking goat carcass behind."

2) From Yahoo Answers, Ronnie5 writes "Call for Lassie?" *laugh*

Taf answers "Throw one end of the slinky out over the side of the well. Rub the goats horn around the inside rim of the other end of the slinky creating a noise which by the time it travels up the slinky will be huge alarm.
or does the goat have a bell round his neck and I can ring that up the slinky?
or does the goat have a rope on a rocket launcher?
*Fried people, anyone? Oh...and goat. I'm laughing right now....*"

3)  Carrie Kilgore of "Carrie Muses On" writes: (And this one if my favorite, I think)
"1. Don’t be distracted by the goat or the slinky. Tip the well over and follow the light (there’s always light at the end of the tunnel).

2. Sacrifice the goat to the gods. After they rescue you, give them the slinky as a gift.

3. Barbeque the goat. When nearby villagers smell the delicious aroma, they will pull you and the goat out. After dinner, entertain them with the slinky.

4. Tie the goat’s feet together, with the slinky on the bottom. Begin to bounce him up and down. When he reaches a reasonable height, grab hold of his horns. When he reaches the apex of the next jump, launch yourself up and over the lip of the well.

5. Teach the goat how to do tricks with the slinky. Wait for a circus owner to discover you.

6. Ignore the goat. Put the slinky in your pocket and climb up the rungs set in the side of the well.

7. Tease the goat until he attempts to ram you with his horns. Step aside at the last moment so he crashes into the wall of the well. Do this repeatedly until he breaks through the brick into soft dirt. When the hole is half the length of the goat, bend the top link of the slinky so an end sticks out. Poke the goat sharply so he continues to butt through the earth. Try to surprise him so he jumps a little, giving the emerging tunnel an upward slant. This will ruin both the goat and the slinky, but that’s the price of freedom.
(A bit close to mine. But mine is funnier. He. He.)

8. Put the goat on your back. Unbend the slinky and wrap it around yourself and the goat. Make loud baaing noises. Someone will investigate, and seeing a humongous, double-baaing goat, will pull you both up for further investigation.

9. Tell your fraternity brothers it was a really good joke and agree to put mustard on your head and run naked through the library if they’ll pull you out now.

10. Don’t think about escaping the well. That is impossible. Instead, try to picture a universe where a man, a goat and a slinky exist only on level ground."

3) Stephen Wragg, author of the UK blog "Message Sent" writes:
"Using magic...
Failing that, shove the slinky down the goat's throat and make it run up the wallfacing back down to the well. I would grab the slinky and yank. The goat would fall back down as I would spring up and out of the well. Then I would say "Thankyou Jesus!""

4) But I think Di McCullough of Pensylvania gets the prize with her simple, but profound statement.
"Who wants to escape? I've got a goat and a slinky!"

Mine was more of a story form. But if this whole situation isn't stupid, through and through, then you'll have to show me. Any weird answers you made up for other absurd questions? Any videos you think trump then? Then post on here or email me! If you email me, you can at least stay anonymous XD *laugh*

Peace and many laughs!....and boxes and boxes of slinkies with goats attached!!


carlinuxlearner said...

#10, HAHAHA! Love it :D

Rae Hitchings said...

hehe I know, right? There were many funny ones. These were just the ones I picked.
So, should I try to do a weekly or bi-monthly "Stupid As" Question posts?

ЯANdOM ЯAWR ◊ said...

Hahaha, I would never come up with such a witty answer as those!

Rae Hitchings said...

Well, that makes it all the more fun to read, right? XD haha
I'm glad you liked them. I had fun sifting through all the various answers. There are far more than you might think! And I had fun with "my" story hehe
Too much fun.
I need sleep 0_o

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