Thursday, October 14, 2010

Breakdowns and Surrenders

I had a breakdown tonight. The sobs. The crying out for relief. The curling up in a ball, trying to get over the emotional turmoil of the day (as today's results were less than favorable) and severe physical pain. It feels like I'm crying for an answer, waiting for a reply that will never come...a reply to a question that will forever be unanswered.
So, as I often do when happy, sad, depressed, or bored, I listened to music. The songs played tonight though were "It's going to be alright" "Golden" "On my own", etc... Then the song "Crazy Beautiful" started playing. I was going to change the song to something a bit more fitting for my present state of mind when a few words stuck out to me. Chasen's lyrics, sung with his boyish charm, go "...the inside is beautiful, but the outside we want to change....the outside we want to change"
In essence, what is in our heart, mind, and soul is what counts, but instead we focus on the external - the physical. I don't have to have a healthy body to have a healthy mind, heart, and soul. They don't have to go hand in hand. I can be complete and whole and happy without healthy being added to the mix.
I hadn't thought of that phrase in such terms before, so it was a nice reminder of what I already knew, but had pushed to the back of my mind.
Read more "Breakdowns and Surrenders..."

Soap Opera Thursday: Who poisoned who?

I kind of feel like I'm in a terrible, typical soap opera. I keep finding "illegitimate" children (Illnesses) that no one knew about, myself included, but are a product of choices I unwittingly made....like environment, pushing myself too far, exposing myself to contagions, etc...
I have my "lovers", i.e., doctors, who each know "secrets" about me, stay with me for a while, but go by the wayside or in the dump when I'm "done with them", or are tired of the ways things were progressing. Like yesterday. We didn't even go to the final consultation with one of my pain specialists, Dr. Srini, who did the two bilateral shoulder muscle and shoulder cap cortisol shots. My mum just called, thanked him for his time and expertise, told him about my negative reactions to the shots, and that we would be seeking other pain alternatives--elsewhere. *shrug*
Poor guy.
*sigh*
Anyway.
Where was I....Soap opera...yes. Well, I will stop with that analogy here: Most of the twists and turns are "for the worse".
And here is a continuation of why that is true....
Read more "Soap Opera Thursday: Who poisoned who?..."
Related Posts with Thumbnails
 

Popular Posts

Blog Archive

Grey Floral ©  Copyright by Musings of an Avid Thinker | Template by Blogger Templates | Blog Trick at Blog-HowToTricks